Easily one of my favourite Disney songs of all time and which has, perhaps unexpectedly for the composers, become quite an important work for many identifying as non-binary in gender. One of the reasons it’s so tempting — so easy — to read this as a sort of transgender coming-out song must surely be because Mulan is precisely about crossing social (gender) boundaries.

For that reason, I decided to sing the first verse in a classical covered voice, and the second in a more pop-ish, open voice.

Rather infuriatingly, a take that I was rather happy with ended up having a click right at the end — just seconds before the end — and I couldn’t figure out how to edit it out as it was so gentle as to be basically invisible in the editor. I therefore decided to use the oldest solution available: yet another take.

Notes on interpretation

It’s really interesting how breathing at different points can change the emphasis of these lyrics so drastically. Unusual depth here for a pop song.

For example, using the vertical pipe as a breath mark:

Must there be a secret me, | I’m forced to hide?

versus

Must there be a secret me, I’m forced to hide?

In the first version, with the breath, because punctuation is not always obvious in music, there are two possible interpretations:

Must there be a secret me? I’m forced to hide!

and

Must there be a secret me I’m forced to hide?

which means that, even though that extra breath could be considered “wasteful” or indeed arguably in violation of bel canto philosophy, it is ultimately an option to be considered seriously, because it adds that extra layer of meaning.

A vaguely related example:

Must I pretend that I am | someone else for all time?

versus

Must I pretend that I am someone else | for all time?

The first version is the most intuitive according to the melody: the 16 beats are divided evenly into 2 sections of 8 beats each. However, it is the second version that more accurately conveys the meaning of the lyrics: the pretense is known (because it’s already happening); what the character really wants an answer to is when this game can come to an end.

The “perfect bride” lyrics in a male cover

The Christina Aguilera pop version aside, there seem to be 2 versions of lyrics in use:

Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don’t know? Somehow I cannot hide Who I am, though I’ve tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?

and

Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don’t know? Who is that perfect bride? It’s not me, though I’ve tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?

It seems that the first version is the canonical text, and the second is attributed to Lea Salonga, but I haven’t researched this properly.

Sung from a feminine perspective, both versions are relatively straightforward, but in a masculine/transgender interpretation the second version adds further intensity to the dysphoria. “Who is that girl I see” by itself (therefore in either version) can be interpreted as a sort of denial — a reversal of “I may never pass” in the first verse, followed by a somewhat optimistic determination due to acceptance of the futility of hiding (“Somehow I cannot hide”). The “Somehow I cannot hide” also leaves open the interpretation that “Who is that girl I see” is actually the start of a moment of successful introspection: who is she? Oh, that’s the real me! Now when will my physical reflection (to the outside world) present in the same way that I see myself when I look in the mirror? There is still a small amount of uncertainty given by the last line — the “when” remains undefined — but the general feeling of determination and acceptance is set: “I cannot hide”, therefore it’s just a matter of time.

In the second version, though, the whole verse can be seen as a cry of distress with the character going from perceived reality, to a rejection of a fantasy, to an uncertain and undefined place: I may never pass (perceived reality); I don’t recognise that girl in the reflection — she’s too perfect, I could never look like that, though I have tried (fantasy); when will my reflection show the real me? (but who am I really, to myself and to the outside world? Uncertainty: the lyrics by themselves never actually describe “who I am inside”, because the understanding of that, in the movie, is given by context). This is therefore much less conclusive than the first version, and distinctly darker: the character is nowhere near understanding themself.